WANTED: Cat in the Hat

Ok so I've been reading a lot of kids books lately to Tommy and he's a huge fan of Dr. Suess - the rhymes, the crazy words, it's a lot of fun... OK so maybe it's daddy that likes reading Dr. Seuss ... you caught me, but if nobody has made a drinking game out of "Fox in Socks" than I will be the first one to do so... example - each time you mess up a word you drink:  When beetles battle beetles in a puddle paddle battle and the beetle battle puddle is a puddle in a bottle (DRINK!) - I mean you will be totally Suessed at the end of the book...

But that is not why I blog.  I blog tonight because the Cat in the Hat is a criminal and he needs to be arrested.  Why is he such a famous character that we read to our children - I always knew about him but never really read the book til now.  The Cat in the Hat breaks into a house where two young children are home alone (child protective services anyone, why is Sally and her brother left at home alone in the first place???)  Anyway enter the Cat, wearing his red and white striped hat which makes him look like he's a convict, he completely wrecks the place, almost kills the family pet, he brakes their toy ship (that's property damage on top of the breaking and entering), then he brings in two deranged lunatics that he has kept in a box (KIDNAPPING ANYONE?)... Where did Thing One and Thing Two come from? An insane asylum?  Is Sally and her brother about to become Thing 3 and 4?  What kind of crazy sh*t is this Cat up to?  The Cat has these two things brain washed into doing whatever he tells them to so then they start wrecking the place... If the mom never came home I am sure this could have turned into some real wrongdoings...  And in the end, Yes somehow he did clean up the place, but that just sounds like B.S. - how could he have cleaned up all that mess that quick... I am guessing The Cat in the Hat drugged the kids and the mom and had his two "Things" clean up the mess (and all the fingerprints) before they went on their way and the drugs wore off...

So I ask what is the moral of this tale?  What is the story supposed to teach our kids? I mean this is how the book ends: Then our mother came in and she said to us two, did you have any fun? Tell me - what did you do?  And Sally and I did not know what to say, should we tell her the things that went on their that day?  Should we tell her about it?  Now what should we do?  Well what would you do if your mother asked you?

YES! YOU TELL HER!  What is wrong with these kids - some guy dressed up in a cat suit broke into your house and had two deranged midgets locked in a box, of course you tell her.  On top of that someone needs to tell these kids that if a stranger comes to the door that they should say their Mommy is in the shower or something like that, they must have told the Cat in the Hat about 5 times that their Mommy was not home... And I am not even going to get into Daddy and how he is not mentioned once in this story - why is he out of the picture?  Maybe if he didn't leave than Mommy wouldn't have to work so many jobs that she has to leave these poor kids home alone. 

Well, that's it, Dr. Seuss, if you even really are a doctor - I do love your rhymes and the crazy words, and yes I will still read "Fox in Socks" but only for drinking game purposes... but you and I are done - I am moving on to Eric Carle and his hungry caterpillars - there has got to be a better message in there somewhere for my kid.

Thanks for reading... and Thanks for Listening to Lumpy!